Without Her
by taxidamask
Summary: Eren and Levi knew they wanted to have kids and to have the perfect family. And so, they had their little girl who carried all their hopes and dreams. But hopes and dreams come crashing down sometimes, taking love down with them.


Kids would be a must when they tied the knot. Whether it was through adoption or surrogacy, they knew they wanted to become parents. They said "I do" with hopeful wishes for their future together while reflecting on their past together. Before getting married, Levi and Eren dated for five years. Levi popped the question on Eren's birthday one night, on a bridge over a river. The scenery was just right and the ring weighed down Levi's pocket. He didn't plan to propose that night, but it seemed perfect. Eren exclaimed yes and was very excited. In fact, Levi remembered that he had almost dropped the ring into the river. But Eren's clumsiness was part of the reason Levi loved him so damn much. The stars seemed to dance that night as they kissed, starting their new future together.

After two years of being married, their prayers were answered. A friend of a friend knew someone who was pregnant, but planned to put the baby up for adoption. They were acquainted immediately. They had weekly coffee dates with this woman, deciding the specifics. She was no way ready for a child and was looking for a lovely home for the future newborn, as tough as it sounded. So, many cups of coffee later, she decided Eren and Levi would be the best fit for the newborn. The paperwork was signed, Eren and Levi nervous but excited for what was to come.

They spent their time decorating her future room in their house when they weren't meeting with her mother. The crib, the stuffed animals, and the pictures hanging in her room all had to be perfect for their future perfect daughter. They spent weeks agonizing over the little things like the right pink to paint the walls. They also made sure to babyproof everything in the house. Every precaution was taken. Finally, after what seemed like endless waiting, it was time. They got the phone call late at night and rushed over to the hospital. It was time to meet their new daughter.

They held her in their arms so often. She seemed so tiny compared to them. Her mom was exhausted and upset at the fact she had to give up her child. But it had to be done. Her daughter was going to have the best life possible with Eren and Levi. The woman couldn't have given her that, not yet. The decision had to be made. She held her daughter once and that was it. She said her goodbyes to Eren and Levi, telling them to be the best that they can for their daughter now. They took her home the next day, ready to face the challenges of being a parent.

In a blink of an eye, she turned three months old. Her smile would have everyone stopping Eren and Levi to ask about her and say hi to her. They asked how old was she, what's her name, and etc. She was so cute, everyone couldn't help but adore her. They took turns dressing her up. From cute little boots to small hats she would wear, she had a whole wardrobe. And Eren and Levi were getting used to waking up in the middle of the night to check up on her, too. They were doing the most for their new bundle of joy, and they were happy. They were the perfect family.

One night, Levi woke up around two AM, out of habit. He head no coos or fusses coming out of the baby monitor. Just silence. He thought their daughter was finally starting to sleep through the night. Out of habit, he still got up to check up on her. Groaning awake, his feet hit the carpet softly, not to wake Eren.

The simple night light illuminated her room, its soft-pink walls greeting Levi. He looked at her sleeping soundly in her crib. Levi's eyes furrowed. Her tiny chest wasn't rising up and down to indicate she was breathing. Maybe it was because how dimly lit the room is, Levi thought to himself. Or his eyes were playing tricks on him since he was exhausted. He picked her up to check on her.

She wasn't breathing.

She never took another breath.

The doctor told them a week later after the autopsy came back that it was Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, or SIDS. It happened to babies that are less than a year old and without any cause, the doctor explained. There was nothing that they could have done. Still, Eren and Levi blamed themselves. There'd be no more getting up in the middle of the night to soothe her back to sleep. No more dressing her up in cute outfits. No more introducing her to the brand new world that laid ahead of her. No more sleepless nights. No more stinky diapers or funny faces. No more sounds of rattles and toys and giggles filled the house. Just silence.

Two weeks later, they had her funeral. Everyone was mourning, but her parents were mourning the most. Friends and family gathered around, but no words were said. What can you say in a situation like this? An "I'm sorry" feels like it wouldn't suffice. She was lowered into the ground and her parents stoic expressions did not change. Friends and family offered comfort and a shoulder to cry on, but it was all in vain. They just wanted their baby girl back. But no matter how much wishing they did and how much they prayed, nothing changed.

Three weeks later, Eren started sleeping on the couch, away from Levi. The two of them barely spoke or shared any glances. The spark they once had was now gone, just like their daughter. Her room was left alone. They silently acknowledged to close her room door and never look back. The soft-pink walls haunted their memories now. Not welcomed them. The baby monitored laid abandoned in a box under their bed.

Four weeks later, after sitting in silence and not acknowledging each other, Levi spoke, "Eren, we have to talk about this sooner or later."

"I don't want to talk, there's nothing to say," Eren turned around and walked away from Levi.

"We have to talk, Eren," Levi simply reiterated.

"What do you want me to say Levi? Huh? It was your fault she died! Your's! If you just woke up fucking earlier...she would still be here with us!" Eren snapped back, tears welling up in his eyes.

"You're acting irrational. It was nobody's 're acting that way because it's easier to blame somebody," Levi gritted through his teeth, trying not to snap too.

"How could you just stand there emotionless?! Our daughter is dead!"

"I'm hurt too, Eren. Trust me, I'm grieving so damn hard right now. I did all I could damn could."

"Obviously you didn't! Just go! I don't want you!" The room went cold as soon as the words left his mouth.

"I don't want you either," the front door slammed shut after Levi.

Four weeks later, divorce papers greeted Eren through the mail. Instead of them being a perfect family, they were a shattered one. Nothing could ever bring them back together. They went their separate ways, understanding their marriage was unfixable. That they fell out of love and there was nothing that they could do. They would see each other around town, silently acknowledging each other, but never speaking a word.


End file.
